intention

Here’s my update on my “no buy challenge.” Almost 2 weeks ago I challenged myself, here, to make no purchases for one month, except for groceries and food items. For the first week, I’d say I did pretty well. My purchases included 3 trips to the grocery store (I’m learning that we eat a lot more than I thought we did), a payment to my therapist (who happens to be out of network but who is amazing and really understands postpartum depression), our organic dry-cleaning (a yearly cost that included 2 coats that I’ve worn forever and our down comforter which I’ll pack away for next winter), coffee house outings with the kids, and a lens repair. At the end of the week, again, a good deal of money had been spent even though no material items had made their way into our home. On the one hand, I felt proud that I could go for a period of time without buying “things,” and yet, on the other hand, I could see that it does cost a substantial amount of money to simply “live” through a week. While I reasoned that the kids and I could give up our coffee house outings, I think I would regret meeting up with other moms and their kids, in an open zone where no kid can proclaim, “Mine!” Lucky for us moms, the owner of the coffee house provides quite a setup of toys for the kids, which keeps them occupied and out of conflict (with each other) for an hour or more.

During the first week, when I wasn’t shopping, I found myself organizing, painting, hanging pictures, tidying up my patio and pot garden, (hooray for spring!) and playing outside. Pat, pat, pat, pat. Sort of. I wouldn’t say I was blissfully being more productive. I missed wandering around Target, the Goodwill, and book shops. I missed the little high I get whenever I find something that will spruce up our house or looks cute on the kids. And what I learned is that I do, on some level, use shopping as an outlet for my nerves. It makes me feel happy. And biologically speaking, women are gatherers, right?

Meanwhile, my husband and I met with a financial planner. That was scary. She talked with us about putting money aside for our vacations, for our kids’ education, and I kid you not, she said, “You can even plan for your children’s retirement.” What? This is new territory for me. Growing up, my parents were throwing their hands up in the air trying to figure out how to send 3 kids to college; because my husband and I are both first generation college graduates, I thought we were doing our children a favor by setting up college funds for them. After the financial planner left, my husband and I looked at each other and agreed, “Plan for our kids retirement? We’ll help them through college . . . maybe grad school . . . but hell, we’ll likely be dead by the time they retire.” We love our kids, we do. But, making sure that they have money to retire? Isn’t that their responsibility?

What we did find helpful from the meeting is that our f.p. wants us to sit down and draw up a budget. Previously, I believed that ignorance is bliss, financially speaking. My approach to money prior to ppd. was that the best way to save money was not to spend it . . . at all. While such an approach may indeed result in savings, such a lifestyle, for me, was loaded with unnecessary guilt every time I did make a purchase. Because I am now focusing on living a happier life (and one that is free of guilt and fear), I want to be able to live, do, and spend in an empowered way. Right now I am not the primary earner in our household; that used to be a big source of guilt for me. However, when I fell apart 4 weeks after Levi was born, and I watched my family, my husband, and neighbors pull together to help care for my children, I saw with my very eyes just how much energy and love goes into accomplishing the work I do, which is, raising my children. I do not mean to imply that I am somehow now entitled to material things. I’m not. But what I am sharing is that my outlook has shifted: I can spend money with intention, I can spend money and enjoy it. I can spend money in a responsible way and feel good about myself.

So this week, I plan to continue tracking my spending. For me, making a note each time I spend a dollar helps me to be mindful of purchases and the amount of money spent. I tell my husband that in a lot of ways it is like keeping a food diary (while pregnant, I journaled my diet to make sure I took in enough protein, and postpartum, I tracked my diet to make sure I was eating healthy fats and again, getting enough protein). What I’m really excited about with our new budget is that we’re actually including categories like seasonal clothing, gardening tools and flowers, art supplies, and miscellaneous items like donations and gifts (among categories like our children’s education, our retirement, and family vacations).

As an amendment to my original challenge, I’ve decided that I will buy nothing without intention . . . which means no “oh that’s cute” purchases, just what we’ve planned to spend on. What about you? Is budgeting a part of your life? And on another level, what are your feelings about money? Do you spend with intention?